This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
