He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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