remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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