but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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