I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
