I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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