I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
