so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
