Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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