When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize