Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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