We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
