My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
