there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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