I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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