I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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