I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
