Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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