I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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