I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so much tequila, so little girl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
