Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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