god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
