i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
