I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This toilet bowl is my home.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
