I'm eating all of the evidence.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
