don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I didn't notice because vodka
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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