I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
