My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
