I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
