someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
