I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize