my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
