The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
