Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The maid of honor just puked.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
