i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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