how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
