8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
