your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
