yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
