1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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