I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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