he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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