If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
