I just pynch a tree in the face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's get the cat blown out
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
