she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
