it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
