I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize