And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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