He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
