I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize