someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize