I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize