My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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