Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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