Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
