Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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