So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
