It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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