Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
