he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
