someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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