We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize