3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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