Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
