well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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