Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
