Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
