yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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