its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
