oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Drake has all the answers
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize